So the time comes after your twins are born where you start to feel like it might be a good idea to have a night out and leave them with a grandparent or two. The first time I spent any time away from my babies I was quite anxious. In my mind I was the only person on the planet capable of caring for my twins. So my anal control freakishness was in full force as I read out..probably dictated the entire list of ‘how to care for my babies’, which I had carefully written earlier, to a very patient nana. I literally told grandma how to suck eggs. Fortunately she totally understood and appreciated my thoroughness and probably just humored me. But I was a complete control freak. I literally wrote every minor detail down from how to hold the bottle for each twin, to the protocol if the babies are crying. Goodness me I was so patronising but I couldn’t help it.
So the time came for me to leave. I was anxiously repeating the list like where the milk was kept and how to use the microwave. I was dawdling, fussing… stressing and repeating myself! And then….. I left them.
Once I was out the house walking to the local pub in the fresh air I was filled with excitement… energy…. happiness…… relief. It felt amazing. I wasn’t worried anymore. I switched off instantly. I didn’t check my phone much. I didn’t text. I just relaxed and soaked up the freedom. I was so happy to be out. Guilt? What guilt? It had been so hard being in the feeding-burping-changing cycle and I hadn’t even stopped to come up for air. I felt completely happy and free. I Didn’t miss them at all. Does this make me a bad mum?…..what do you think?
This jailbreak was exactly what the doctor ordered. It was head space from the routine and responsibility of caring for twins. It was good for the soul. I soon started to feel more comfortable leaving the twins with the nanas for longer periods of time until they had their first sleep over. If you get the opportunity for your babies to stay out …do it! It makes me a better mum as I’m more energized and refreshed after some time away. It’s healthy to be apart from your babies. I don’t even write lists for the nanas now. Ha!